What To Do With Me

From The Messy Middle

What To Do With Me

Track ten is where the album’s second half starts to consolidate, and ‘What To Do With Me’ is exactly the right vehicle for that work. The production does exactly what the lyrics ask: the verses are nearly bare, just breath and piano, so when the chorus breaks open it feels less like a musical decision and more like the inside of someone’s skull going loud all at once. STAB leans into the tension between the frantic pace and the subject matter, a song about the terror of stillness running at a clip that never quite lets you settle, which is the point. The lyric that lands hardest is ‘I’ve been afraid of being small / afraid of being ordinary, afraid of being left,’ and she earns it, because by the time it arrives the arrangement has made the emotional logic feel inevitable rather than confessional. It closes on a whispered ‘stay,’ no resolution, no bow tied, and that restraint is the best call on the track. In sequence it deepens what ‘My Hands Don’t Know’ opened: the second half of this record is willing to sit with discomfort rather than resolve it too quickly.

Lyrics

No distractions Just me (oh)

When I don't reach for the noise The noise reaches for me Old conversations, old mistakes Stuff I thought I "moved past," suddenly awake I sit on the floor like I'm waiting for someone But nobody's coming, and that's not the tragedy The tragedy is I don't know how to sit With the person I am when I'm not being busy

I didn't know how loud I was inside Until I stopped covering it up I didn't know how much I was avoiding With jokes and plans and "one more" stuff I keep wishing for a reset button Like I can start as someone new But it's just me in the quiet and - I don't know what to do with me

I try to read, but the words slide off I try to walk, but I feel watched by my own thoughts I stare at the trees and they don't fix it They just stand there, honest, and I can't mimic Then it hits me: I've been afraid of being small Afraid of being ordinary, afraid of being left So I stay connected, stay informed, stay "up" So I never have to ask what I actually want

Maybe this is the real feed The one I've been skipping The fear, the shame, the sad parts The parts that need listening So I'm not going to fix it tonight I'm not going to win at healing I'm just going to sit here And let it be what it's been

(whispered) Stay Just stay